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We all know what it's like to get that phone call in the middle
of the night. This night's call was no different. Jerking up to
the ringing summons, I focused on the red illuminated numbers of
my clock. Midnight. Panicky thoughts filled my sleep-dazed mind
as I grabbed the receiver.
"Hello?"
My heart pounded; I gripped the phone tighter and eyed my
husband, who was now turning to face my side of the bed.
"Mama?" I could hardly hear the whisper over the static. But my
thoughts immediately went to my daughter. When the desperate
sound of a young crying voice became clearer on the line, I
grabbed for my husband and squeezed his wrist.
"Mama, I know it's late, but don't...don't say anything, until I
finish. And before you ask, yes, I've been drinking. I nearly
ran off the road a few miles back, and..."
I drew in a sharp shallow breath, released my husband and
pressed my hand against my forehead. Sleep still fogged my mind,
and I attempted to fight back the panic. Something wasn't right.
"And I got so scared. All I could think about was how it would
hurt you if a policeman came to your door and said I'd been
killed. I want...to come home. I know running away was wrong. I
know you've been worried sick. I should have called you days
ago, but I was afraid...afraid..."
Sobs of deep-felt emotion flowed from the receiver and poured
into my heart. Immediately I pictured my daughter's face in my
mind and my fogged senses seemed to clear. "I think--"
"No! Please let me finish! Please!" She pleaded, not so much in
anger but in desperation.
I paused and tried to think of what to say. Before I could go on,
she continued, "I'm pregnant, Mama. I know I shouldn't be
drinking now...especially now, but I'm scared, Mama. So scared!"
The voice broke again and I bit into my lip, feeling my own eyes
fill with moisture. I looked at my husband who sat silently
mouthing, "Who is it?"
I shook my head and when I didn't answer, he jumped up and left
the room, returning seconds later with the portable phone held
to his ear.
She must have heard the click in the line because she continued,
"Are you still there? Please don't hang up on me! I need you. I
feel so alone."
I clutched the phone and stared at my husband, seeking guidance.
"I'm here, I wouldn't hang up," I said.
"I know I should have told you, Mama. But when we talk, you just
keep telling me what I should do. You read all those pamphlets
on how to talk about sex and all, but all you do is talk. You
don't listen to me. You never let me tell you how I feel. It is
as if my feelings aren't important. Because you're my mother, you
think you have all the answers. But sometimes I don't need
answers. I just want someone to listen."
I swallowed the lump in my throat and stared at the how-to-talk-
to-your-kids pamphlets scattered on my nightstand. "I'm
listening," I whispered.
"You know, back there on the road, after I got the car under
control, I started thinking about the baby and taking care of
it. Then I saw this phone booth and it was as if I could hear
you preaching about people shouldn't drink and drive. So I
called a taxi. I want to come home."
"That's good, Honey," I said as relief filled my chest. My
husband came closer, sat down beside me and laced his fingers
through mine. I knew from his touch that he thought I was doing
and saying the right thing.
"But you know, I think I can drive now."
"No!" I snapped. My muscles stiffened, and I tightened the clasp
on my husband's hand. "Please, wait for the taxi. Don't hang up
on me until the taxi gets there."
"I just want to come home, Mama."
"I know. But do this for your mama. Wait for the taxi, please."
I listened to the silence in fear. When I didn't hear her
answer, I bit into my lip and closed my eyes. Somehow I had to
stop her from driving.
There's the taxi, now."
Only when I heard someone in the background asking about a
Yellow Cab did I feel my tension easing.
"I'm coming home, Mama." There was a click and the phone went
silent.
Moving from the bed with tears forming in my eyes, I walked out
into the hall and went to stand in my sixteen-year-old daughter's
room. The dark silence hung thick. My husband came from behind,
wrapped his arms around me and rested his chin on the top of my
head.
I wiped the tears from my cheeks. "We have to learn to listen,"
I said.
He pulled me around to face him. "We'll learn. You'll see." Then
he took me into his arms, and I buried my head in his shoulder.
I let him hold me for several moments, then I pulled back and
stared back at the bed. He studied me for a second, then asked,
"Do you think she'll ever know she dialed the wrong number?"
I looked at our sleeping daughter, then back at him. "Maybe it
wasn't such a wrong number."
"Mom, Dad, what are you doing?" The muffled young voice came
from under the covers. I walked over to my daughter, who now sat
up staring into the darkness. "We're practicing," I answered.
"Practicing what?" she mumbled and laid back on the mattress,
her eyes already closed in slumber.
"Listening," I whispered, and brushed a hand over her cheek.
~?by Christie Craig from Chicken Soup for The Mother's Soul 2~ |
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