If

约拿

写在前面的话：

　　这是网友推荐给我的一本书，作者为艾美．卡麦嘉（Amy Carmichael），艾美．卡麦嘉（AmyCarmichael）,她大半生献给印度，为拯救庙童脱离娼妓的生活而终日奔波，她在印度渡过50年，至死都没离开，直到见主面。她有一句名言：“你可以作出不存爱心的施与，但你不可能有爱却没有任何施与。”她认为，如果我们对未听闻福音的朋友有一份真实的爱，我们就自然会在金钱上，才干上和时间上有所施与。我们对失丧者的爱，是差传的最佳表达。

　　庙童是当时印度庙所养的小孩（全是女孩），她们被卖到庙宇后，便接受歌舞训练，长大后被男人以敬拜偶像的名义满足淫欲。一天，一位 7 岁的小女孩逃到艾美那里求助。那天是清晨 6 点，当艾美看到这小孩皮娜 ( Peena ) 时，便将她抱在腿上亲吻。她的爱深深感动了这小小的心灵，后来皮娜回忆说：“母亲常把我抱在腿上亲吻，这个像母亲一样亲我的人是谁呢？”从那天起，艾美成了皮娜的母亲，不仅在肉身上，也是在灵里的母亲！

　　艾美一生都在尽力救助这些无助的小女孩，从第一位开始，到她离开世界，已经发展了拯救千位小孩的避难所。她一生活出了一个祷告：“主啊！使禰大爱的光辉，彰显在我身上。”她数十年的生命，正为这祷告作了最好的见证。

　　这名妇女的伟大及非凡之处，在于她顺服、忠诚、温柔,她对神话语一开始就始终如一的顺服，她所寻求的尽是神在她生命中的旨意，这就是传统宣教士对她不明白和不欣赏的。在她宣教初期，有些宣教士及印度基督徒曾经一度发起了“把贾艾美赶出印度的运动”，因为她披上印度纱丽，坚持做仆人的职分，成为这些人眼中的一根刺。

　　正因她顺服神的旨意，忠於她的同工，她决不反驳批评她的人，也不让支持她的同工这样作。她坚持以绝对的、不变的忠诚对待主内的弟兄姊妹，既使他们看来敌视她所做的，她在其著作Roses中写到：“不是我们以为自己所做过的是唯一的方式，而是我们确信是我应有方式”她无法接受在祷告的时候批评别人，她说：“如果心中与人交恶，或与批评的人一起祷告，这不是神悦纳的。”在度尼法宣教中心饭堂中一块告示，上面写着：“愿在席上的人，没遭中伤！”

　　一九五一年一月十八日艾美．卡麦嘉在八四岁安息主怀，在一棵若望子树下有一个墓碑，碑上以印度文刻”母亲”，下面埋葬者是这位神圣的妇人。

　　人一生可以努力追求很多东西，但是我们有否为有价值的事努力呢？如关怀身边软弱的人。主耶稣要我们爱人如己。他曾对“我们”说，你要尽心、尽性、尽意，爱主你的神。这是诫命中的第一，且是最大的。其次就是爱人如己。（太 22：37－39）

约拿

[center][B]If[/B] ---by Amy Carmichael[/center] Love through me, Love of God, Make me like Thy clear air Through which unhindered, colors pass As though it were not there. Powers of the love of God, Depths of the heart Divine O Love that fails not, break forth, And flood this world of Thine. [B]HOW "IF" CAME TO BE WRITTEN[/B] One evening a fellow-worker brought me a trouble about a younger one who was missing the way of Love. This led to a wakeful night, for the word at such times is always, "Lord, is it I? Have I failed her anywhere? What do I know of Calvary Love?" And then sentence by sentence the "Ifs" came, almost as if spoken aloud to the inward ear. Next morning they were shared with another ( for they had been written down in pencil in the night), and then a few others shared. After this some copies were printed on our little hand-press for the DF* only; and that led to this booklet. At first when it was asked for, we felt, No, it is far too private for that. But if it can help any understand what the life of love means and to live that life, then it is not ours to refuse. Some of the "Ifs" appear to be related to pride, selfishness, or cowardice, but digging deeper we come upon an unsuspected lovelessness at the root of them all. The pages in Part Two are not meant to be read one after the other.+ Perhaps only one here and there may have the needed word, and leaving the others, the reader may find something in the last pages. And in case any true follower be troubled by the "then I know nothing", I would say, the thought came in this form, and I fear to weaken it. But here, as everywhere, the letter killeth. St Paul counted the loss of all things as nothing that he might know Him whom he already knew; and the soul, suddenly illuminated by some fresh outshining of the knowledge of the love of God shown forth on Calvary, does not stop to measure how much or how little it knew of that love before. Penetrated, melted, broken before that vision of love, it feels that indeed all it ever knew was nothing, less than nothing. It is clear, I think, that such a booklet as this is not meant for every one, but only for those who are called to be under-shepherds. And there are some of them for whom it has no word. They have already entered into that of which I have been impelled to write. A.C. *Dohnavur Fellowship + In the original edition, each "If" was printed on a separate page, to facilitate meditation.

Part One

There are times when something comes into our lives which is charged with love in such a way that it seems to open the Eternal to us for a moment, or at least some of the Eternal things, and the greatest of these is love.

It may be a small and intimate touch upon us or our affairs, light as the touch of the dawn-wind on the leaves of the tree, something not to be captured and told to another in words. But we know that it is our Lord. And then perhaps the room where we are, with its furniture and books and flowers, seems less “ present” than His Presence, and the heart is drawn into the sweetness of which the old hymn sings.

The love of Jesus what it is None but His loved ones know.

Or it is the dear human love about us that bathes us as in summer seas and rests us through and through. Can we ever cease to wonder at the love of our companions? And then suddenly we recognize our Lord in them. It is his love that they lavish on us. O love of God make manifest in Thy lovers, we worship thee.

Or (not often, perhaps, for dimness seems to be more wholesome for us here, but sometimes, because our Lord is very merciful) it is given to us to look up through the blue air and see the love of God. And yet, after all, how little we see! “That you may be able to comprehend what is breadth and length and depth and height and to know the love of Christ which passeth knowledge"—the words are to great for us. What do we comprehend, what do we know? Confounded and abased, we enter into the Rock and hide us in the dust before the glory of the Majesty of love-the love whose symbol is the Cross.

And a question pieces then: what do I know of Calvary love?

约拿

Part Two

If I have not compassion on my fellow-servant even as my Lord had pity on me, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If I belittle those whom I am called to serve, talk of their weak points in contrast perhaps with what I think of as my strong points; if I adopt a superior attitude, forgetting “ Who make thee differ? And what hast thou that thou hast not received?” then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If I can easily discuss the shortcomings and the sins of any; if I can speak in a casual way even of a child’s misdoings, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If I find myself half-carelessly taking lapses for granted, “ Oh, that’s what they always do”, “ Oh, of course she talks like that, he acts like that”, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If I can enjoy a joke at the expense of another; if I can in any way slight another in conversation, or even in thought, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If I can write an unkind letter, speak an unkind word; think an unkind thought without grief and shame, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If I do not feel far more for the grieved Savior then for my worried self when troublesome things occur, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If I know little of His pitifulness ( the Lord turned and looked upon Peter), if I know little of His courage of hopefulness for the truly humble and penitent (He saith unto him, Feed My lambs), then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If I deal with wrong for any other reason than that implied in the words, “ From His right hand went a fiery law for them. Yea, He loved the people’; if I can rebuke without a pang, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If , in dealing with one who does not respond, I weary of the strain, and slip from under the burden, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If I cannot bear to be like the father who did not soften the rigors of the far country; if, in this sense, I refuse to allow the law of God ( the way of transgressors is hard) to take effect, because of the distress it causes me to see that law in operation, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If I am perturbed by the reproach and misunderstanding that may follow action taken for the good of souls for whom I must give account; if I cannot commit the matter and go on in peace and in silence, remembering Gethsemane and the Cross, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If I cannot catch “ the sound of the noise of rain”* long before the rain falls, and, going to some hilltops of the spirit, as near to my God as I can, have not faith to wait there with my face between my knees, though six times or sixty times I am told “ there is nothing”, till at last “ there arises a little cloud out of the sea”, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

*1 Kings 18:41 margin

If my attitude be one of fear, not faith, about one who has disappointed me, if I say, “ just what I expected” if a fall occurs, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If I do not look with eyes of hope on all in whom there is even a faint beginning, as our Lord did, when, just after His disciples had wrangled about which of them should be accounted the greatest, He softened His rebuke with those heart-melting words, “you are they which have continued with Me in My temptations”, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If I cast up a confessed, repented and forsaken sin against another, and allow my remembrance of that sin to color my thinking and feed my suspicions, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If I have not the patience of my Savior with souls who grow slowly; if I know little of travail (a sharp and painful thing) till Christ be fully formed in them, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If I sympathize weakly with weakness, and say to one who is turning back from the Cross, Pity thyself; if I refuse such a one they sympathy that braces and the brave and heartening word of comradeship, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If I cannot keep silence over a disappointing soul ( unless for the sake of that soul’s good or for the good of others it be necessary to speak), then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If I can hurt another by speaking faithfully without much preparation of spirit, and without hurting myself far more than I hurt the other, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If I am afraid to speak the truth, lest I lose affection, or lest the one concerned should say, “You do not understand”, or because I fear to lose my reputation for kindness; if I put my own good name before the other’s highest good, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

约拿

If I am content to heal a hurt slightly, saying peace, peace, where is no peace; if I forget the poignant word “ Let love be without dissimulation” and blunt the edge of truth, speaking not right things but smooth things, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If I fear to hold another to the highest because it is so much easier to avoid doing so, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If I hold choices of any kind, just because they are my choice; if I give any room to my private likes and dislikes, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If I am soft to myself and slide comfortably into the vice of self-pity and self-sympathy; if I do not by the grace of God practice fortitude, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If I myself dominate myself, if my thoughts revolve round myself, if I ma so occupied with myself I rarely have “ a heart at leisure from itself”, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If, the moment I am conscious of the shadow of self crossing my threshold, I do not shut the door, and in the power of Him who works in us to will and to do, keep that door shut, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If I cannot in honest happiness take the second place (or the twentieth); if I cannot take the first without making a fuss about my unworthiness, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If, when I am able to discover something which has baffled others, I forget Him who reveals the deep and secret things, and knows what is in the darkness and shows it to us; if I forget that It was He who granted that ray of light to His most unworthy servant, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If I cannot be at rest under the Unexplained, forgetting the word, And blessed is he whoever shall not be offended in Me; or if I can admit the least shadow of a misunderstanding, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If I do not give a friend “ the benefit of the doubt”, but put the worst construction instead of the best on what is said or done, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If I take offence easily, if I am content to continue in a cool unfriendliness, though friendship be possible, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If a sudden jar can cause me to speak an impatient, unloving word, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If I feel injured when another lays to my charge things that I know not, forgetting that my sinless Savior trod this path to the end, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If I feel bitterly towards those who condemn me, as it seems to me, unjustly, forgetting that if they knew me as I know myself they would condemn me much more, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If I say, “Yes, I forgive, but I cannot forget”, as though the God, who twice a day washes all the sands on all the shores of all the world, could not wash such memories from my mind, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If one whose help I greatly need appears to be as content to build in wood, hay, stubble, as in gold, silver, precious stones, and I hesitate to obey my light and do without that help because so few will understand, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If the care of a soul (or a community) be entrusted to me, and I consent to subject it to weakening influences, because the voice of the world—my immediate Christian world—fills my ears, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If by doing some work which the undiscerning consider “not spiritual work” I can best help others, and I inwardly rebel; thinking it is the spiritual for which I crave, when in truth it is the interesting and exciting, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If monotony tries me, and I cannot stand drudgery; if stupid people fret me and little ruffles set me on edge; if I make much of the trifles of life, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If I am inconsiderate about the comfort of others, or their feelings, or even of their little weaknesses; if I am careless about their little hurts and miss opportunities to smooth their way; if I make the sweet running of household wheels more difficult to accomplish, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If interruptions annoy me, and private cares make me impatient; if I shadow the souls about me because I myself am shadowed, then I know nothing about Calvary love.

If souls can suffer alongside, and I hardly know it, because the spirit of discernment is not in me, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

约拿

If there be any reserve in my giving to Him who so loved that He gave His dearest for me; if there be a secret “but” in my prayer, “anything by that, Lord”, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If I become entangled in any “inordinate affection”; if things or places or people hold me back from obedience to my Lord, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If something I am asked to do for another feels burdensome; if, yielding to an inward unwillingness, I avoid doing it, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If the praise of man elates me and his blame depresses me; if I cannot rest under misunderstanding without defending myself; if I love to be loved more than to love, to be served more than to serve, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If I crave hungrily to be used to show the way of liberty to a soul in bondage, instead of caring only that it be delivered; if I nurse my disappointment when I fail, instead if asking that to another the word of release may be given, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If I want to be known as the doer of something that has proved the right thing, or as the one who suggested that it should be done, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If I do not forget about such a trifle as personal success, so that it never crosses my mind, or if it does, is never given a moment's room there; if the cup of spiritual flattery tastes sweet to me, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If it be not a simple and a natural thing to say, "Enviest thou for my sake? Would God that all the Lord's people were prophets", then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If in the fellowship of service I seek to attach a friend to myself, so that others are caused to feel unwanted; if my friendships do not draw others deeper in, but are ungenerous (to myself, for myself), then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If I refuse to allow one who is dear to me to suffer for the sake of Christ, if I do not see such suffering as the greatest honor that can be offered to any follower of the Crucified, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If I slip into the place that can be filled by Christ alone, making myself the first necessity to a soul instead of leading it to fasten upon Him, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If my interest in the work of others is cool; if I think in terms of my own special work; if the burdens of others are not my burdens too, and their joys mine, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If, when an answer I did not expect comes to a prayer which I believed I truly meant, I shrink back from it; if the burden my Lord asks me to bear be not the burden of my heart's choice, and I fret inwardly and do not welcome His will, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If I avoid being "ploughed under", with all that such ploughing entails of rough handling, isolation, uncongenial situations, strange tests, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If I wonder why something trying is allowed, and press for prayer that it may be removed; if I cannot be trusted with any disappointment, and cannot go on in peace under any mystery, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If I make much of anything appointed, magnify it secretly to myself or insidiously to others; if I let them think it "hard", if I look back longingly upon what used to be, and linger among the bye-ways of memory, so that my power to help is weakened, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If the love that "alone maketh light of every heavy thing, and beareth evenly every uneven thing" is not my heart's desire, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If I refuse to be a corn of wheat that falls into the ground and dies ("is separated from all in which it lived before"), then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If I ask to be delivered from trial rather than for deliverance out of it, to the praise of His glory; if I forget that the way of the Cross leads to the Cross and not to a bank of flowers; if I regulate my life on these lines, or even unconsciously my thinking, so that I am surprised when the way is rough and think it strange, though the word is, Think it not strange, Count it all joy, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If the ultimate, the hardest, cannot be asked of me; if my fellows hesitate to ask it and turn to someone else, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

If I covet any place on earth but the dust at the foot of the Cross, then I know nothing of Calvary love.

That which I know not, teach Thou me, O Lord, my God.

约拿

[B]Part Three[/B]

[1]

I have felt these words scorching to write, but it is borne upon me, that in spite of all our hymns and prayers (so many of them for love), it is possible to be content with the shallows of love, if indeed such shallows should be called love at all.

(Perhaps prayer often needs to be followed by a little pause, that we may have time to open our hearts to that for which we have prayed. We often rush from prayer to prayer without waiting for the word within, which says, "I have heard you, My child.")

The more we ponder our Lord's words about love, and the burning words the Spirit gave to His followers to write, the more acutely do we feel our deadly lack. The Search-light of the Spirit discovers us to ourselves, and such a discovery leaves us appalled. How can even He who is the God of all patience have patience with us? Like Job we abhor ourselves and repent in dust and ashes.

But the light is not turned upon us to rob us of our hope. There is a lifting up. If only we desire to be purged from self with its entangling nets, its subtleties, its disguises(false-hoods truly), its facile showing of brass for gold, as the Tamil says; if, hating unlove from the ground of the heart, we cry to be delivered, then our God will be to us a God of deliverances.

[2]

No vision of the night can show, no word declare with what longings of love Divine waits till the heart, all weary and sick of itself, turns to its Lord and says, "Take full possession". There is no need to plead that the love of God shall fill our heart as though He were unwilling to fill us; He is willing as light is willing to flood a room that is opened to its brightness; willing as water is willing to flow into an emptied channel. Love is pressing round us on all sides like air. Cease to resist, and instantly love takes possession. As the 15th-century poem Quia amore langues says,

Long and love thou never so high, My love is more than thine may be.

More, far more. For as His abundance of pardon passes our power to tell it, so does his abundance of love: it is far as the East is from the West, high as the heaven is above the earth. But words fail: Love soars above them all. To look at ourselves leads to despair. Thank God, the Blood cleanseth.

If thou be foul, I shall make thee clean, If thou be sick, I shall thee heal. Foundest thou ever love so real? Never, Lord, never.

[3]

Sometimes, when we are distressed by past failure and tormented by fear of failure in the future should we again set our faces toward Jerusalem, nothing helps so much as to give some familiar Scripture time to enter into us and become part of our being. The words "Grace for grace" have been a help to me since I read in a little old book of Bishop Moule's something that opened their meaning. (Till then I had not understood them.)

He says "for" means simply instead.

"The image is of a perpetual succession of supply; a displacement ever going on; ceaseless changes of need and demand. The picture before us is as of a river. Stand on its banks, and contemplate the flow of waters. A minute passes, and another. Is it the same stream still? Yes. But is it the same water? No. The liquid mass that passed you a few seconds ago fills now another section of the channel; new water has displaced it, or if you please replaced it; water instead of water. And so hour by hour, and year by year, and century by century, the process holds; one stream, other waters, living not stagnant, because always in the great identity there is perpetual exchange. Grace takes the place of grace;" (Love takes the place of love) "ever new, ever old, ever the same, ever fresh and young, for hour by hour, for year by year, through Christ."

约拿

[4]

There is no force strong enough to hold us together as a company, and animate all our doings, but this one force of Love; and so there is a constant attack upon the love without which we are sounding brass and tinkling cymbal.

That explains why every now and then those who want to live the life of love often seem to be constrained to seek the searching and the cleansing of the Spirit of God, first (it has often happened so) in the secret of our own hearts, and then together; and we know how graciously God has answered us, so that though our word must always be, "not as though I had already attained", we do, by His enabling, press onward.

There is another reason why the adversary attacks love. It is this:

Far out on our uttermost rim a thing may occur which is the reflection, so to speak, of something that was nourished in the heart of one who is in the very center. I have often known it to be so. Perhaps it was never expressed in act or word, the eye did not see it, the ear did not hear it. But spiritual influences move where sight and hearing have no place; and unlove in any one of us, or even an absence of the quality of love of which we have been thinking, is enough to cause the slow stain to spread till it reaches some soul in a moment of its weakness. And irreparable harm may result.

O Lord, forgive: Thy property is always to have mercy. Give me the comfort of Thy help again. Let it be Thy pleasure to deliver me. O Lord my God.

[5]

The way of love is never an easy way. If our hearts be set on walking that way we must be prepared to suffer. "It was the way the Master went; should not the servant tread it still?" It is possible that we may be enclosed in circumstances which drain natural love, till we feel dry as grass on an Indian hillside under a burning sun.

We have toiled for some one dear to us, but never knew it toil. We have poured out stores of health never to be recovered, but did not know it, nor would we have cared if we had known it, so dearly did we love. And all our hope was that the one so cherished would become a minister to others. But it was not so.

And then unwillingly we become aware of a strange unresponsiveness in the one for whom nothing had seemed too much to do, a coldness that chilled, a hardness that pushed away as with hard hands the heart that had almost broken to save that life from destruction.

Then (but only those who have gone through such a bereft hour will understand) a fear worse than any pain has us in its grip: is the love of the years slipping from us? "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do"---is that fading from our memory? Love never faileth, is love failing now? Shall we find ourselves meeting lovelessness with lovelessness?

In such an hour, a prayer now many years old, that felt a desperate prayer, burned into words: Deep unto deep, O Lord, Crieth in me, Gathering strength I come, Lord, unto Thee.

Jesus of Calvary, Smitten for me.

Ask what Thou wilt, but give Love to me.

Yes, ask what Thou wilt, any hopes, any joys of human affection, any rewards of love, but let not love depart. Nothing ordinary is equal to this new call; nothing in me suffices for this. O Lord of Love and Lord of Pain, abound in me in love: Love through me, Love of God.

约拿

[6]

Our dear Lord listens to the prayer that goeth not out of feigned lips, and it is written for our comfort that He cause those who love Him to inherit substance, the wonderful "substance" that is grace instead of grace, the perpetual gift of His Fullness. This grace is no mere "impersonal substance", but God working in us, the Lord in action in our very springs of thought and will. God is Love, so, for us, Love is this blessed "Substance" that the children of the Father are caused to inherit.

It is the river's word again. The empty river-bed "inherits" the water that pours through it from the heights, it does not create that water, it only receives it, and its treasuries are filled, its pools overflow for the blessing and refreshment of the land. It is so with us; our treasuries of time, our years with all their months, weeks, days, hours, minutes, are filled with the flowing treasure of love that we may help others. Who could have thought of such joy for us but He whose name is Love? Now unto Him that is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that worketh in us, unto Him be glory.

[7]

Let us end on a very simple note: Let us listen to simple words; our Lord speaks simply: "Trust Me, My child," He says. "Trust Me with a humbler heart and a fuller abandon to My will than ever thou didst before. Trust Me to pour My love through thee, as minute succeeds minutes. And if thou shouldst be conscious of anything hindering the flow, do not hurt My love by going away from Me in discouragement, nothing can hurt love so much as that. Draw all the closer to Me, come, flee unto Me to hide thee, even from thyself. Tell me about the trouble. Trust Me to turn My hand upon thee and thoroughly to remove the boulder that has choked thy river-bed, and take away all the sand that has silted up the channel. I will not leave thee until I have done that which I have spoken to thee of. I will perfect that which concerneth thee. Fear thou not, O child of My love; fear not."

And now to gather all in one page: Beloved, let us love. Lord, what is love?

Love is that which inspired My life, and led Me to My cross, and held Me on My Cross. Love is that which will make it thy joy to lay down thy life for thy brethren. Lord, evermore give me this love. Blessed are they which do hunger and thirst after love, for they shall be filled.

marylu

藉我去爱，哦，神的爱，

使我化作袮透明的空气，

各种色素穿过它，无阻塞地，

仿佛它一点也不存在。

神的爱所发出的能力，

神圣心灵的深处，

哦，永不止息的爱，迸发吧，

泻满这个属袮的世界！

有时候有些事物进入我们的生活中，如此的充溢了爱，叫我们在那一刹那间仿佛看见了永恒，或最低限度一部分永恒的事物，而其中最大的就是爱！

可能是在我们身上或我们工作上轻微而亲切的一触，轻得有如晨风拂在叶儿上，轻得不可以捕捉亦不可言喻，然而我们知道就是我们的主。接着也许我们所在的房间，及里面的家具、书籍和花朵，就变得不如祂的同在那么实在，而我们的心就充塞了那古老的诗歌所写的那种甘甜：

基 督 的 爱 是 何 等 样 的 爱 ，

除 了 祂 所 爱 的 无 人 知 道 。

又或许是我们周围的人所发出的爱，如同把我们泡在夏天的海里，叫我们全身松弛，我们能不为着我们同伴的爱而生出惊讶吗？接着忽然之间我们领悟到我们的主在其中，他们浇在我们身上的是祂的爱。哦！神的爱，在袮爱人身上彰显出来的。我们向袮膜拜。

又或者（并不是常常有，因为这方面来说，可能朦胧隐蔽是比较对我们合适的。不过也有时会发生。因为我们的主是非常慈爱的。）我们蒙怜悯能以仰视湛蓝的穹苍，看到神的爱。然而我们实在能看到多么少？“叫你们能明白基督的爱，是何等的长阔高深，并知道这爱是过于人所测度的。”——这些话是太深奥了。我们明白什么，知道什么？羞愧、赫颜，我们躲进那“岩石”，俯伏在尘土里膜拜那荣光四射的壮严神圣的爱——那以十架为徽号的爱。

接着一个问题刺澈心腑：我对加略山的爱究竟懂的多少？

若 我不以主曾施与我的恩慈体恤同工，那我还是丝毫不懂加略山的爱。

若 我轻看那些主召我来服事的人，闲话他们的缺点，来有意无意地陪衬出我的优点；若我摆出一副“高人一等”地脸孔，忘记了“谁造你叫你与众不同的？你有什么不是得来的？”那我还是丝毫不懂加略山的爱

若 我可以轻易议论别人的短处和过失，若我可以用漠然的态度讲论甚至只是一个小孩子的错失，那我还是丝毫不懂加略山的爱。

若 我对别人的差错漫不经心，似乎把它们看作当然的事。“哦，他们常常都是这样的。”“哦，他就是这样讲话的。他就是会做出这种事的。” 那我还是丝毫不懂加略山的爱。

若 我会从别人的被取笑中得到乐趣；若我会在谈话或思想中奚落他人，那我还是丝毫不懂加略山的爱。

若 我会写一封无情的信，说出一句无情的话，让一个无情的思想侵入而不感觉羞惭与伤痛，那我还是丝毫不懂加略山的爱。

若 我在遇到麻烦的事情的时候，不想到救主的痛心，远多于想到自己的忧虑，那我就还是丝毫不懂加略山的爱。

若 我不大了解祂的怜悯（主转过来看彼得），若我不大了解祂对那真正谦卑痛悔者满抱希望的勇气（祂对他说：喂我的小羊），那我还是丝毫不懂加略山的爱。

若 我对付不法之事，为着任何其他的理由，除了下面的话所暗示的。“祂的右手向他们下了一条如烈火的饬令。嗯，祂爱祂的百姓；”若我能责备而心中不感到伤痛，那我还是丝毫不懂加略山的爱。

若 我在关心一个人而得不到反应当中，不堪劳悴而想放下重担，那我还是丝毫不懂加略山的爱。

若 我不能忍受像浪子的父亲那样并不设法减轻远方环境的严酷；若，在这个意思里面，我拒绝让神的律法实施出来，因为我不忍看这律法执行之时所引起的痛苦。那我还是丝毫不懂加略山的爱。

若 我在为那些我有责任的灵魂尽了责任以后而受到责备和误解；若我不能把事情交托，保持平静缄默，想到客西马尼园和十字架，那我还是丝毫不懂加略山的爱。

若 我能听见“雨的响声”（参王上18：41—46），远在雨还没有下之前，而上到一些灵界的山顶，紧紧地贴近神的跟前，若我没有足够信心在那里等待，将脸伏在两膝之中，虽然已经六次甚至六十次别人向我报告：“看不到什么，”直到最后“看见有小片云从海里上来”，那我就还是丝毫不懂加略山的爱。

若 我对一个曾叫我失望的人，抱疑惧的态度，而不抱信心的态度；若他跌倒的时候我会说：“我早就料倒他会这样子的，” 那我还是丝毫不懂加略山的爱。

若 我不以期望的眼光去看所有的人，只要从他们身上看到一点点希望的端倪，如同我主所作的，当，刚在祂的门徒争论它们中间谁为大之后，祂在责备中软下来，说出如此叫人内心溶化的话：“我在磨炼之中，常与我同在的就是你们。” 那我还是丝毫不懂加略山的爱。

若 我将别人一件已经承认、忏悔并弃绝的罪仍然记在心里，并且让这些记忆染污我对这个人的想法，惹起我的疑心，那我还是丝毫不懂加略山的爱。

若 我对那些长的很慢的灵魂缺少了主的忍耐；若我没有经历到生产之苦（一种尖锐的、剧烈的痛苦），直等到基督成形在他们心里，那我还是丝毫不懂加略山的爱。

若 我向软弱发出软弱的同情，对一个从十字架后退的人说：自怜吧；若我不向他付出那叫他振奋的同情，不说出一个同伴应说出的勇敢、鼓舞的话，那我还是丝毫不懂加略山的爱。

若 我不能保持缄默，在一个灵魂叫人失望的时候（除非是为着他的好处或别人的好处非讲话不可），那我还是丝毫不懂加略山的爱。

若 我会说实话而刺伤他人却没有先作许多心灵上的准备，也没有刺伤自己比刺伤对方更厉害，那我还是丝毫不懂加略山的爱。

若 我不敢说真话，恐怕因而失去别人对我的好感，或恐怕别人会说：“你不了解。”或怕损害我一向仁慈为怀的好声誉；或我把个人的声誉看得比对方更大的好处更重，那我还是丝毫不懂加略山的爱。

若 我会满足于随便的医治一个创伤，说着：“平安，平安。”而实在没有平安；若我忘记那句强烈的话：“爱里没有虚假，”而把真话的利刃弄钝，不讲应讲的话，只讲叫人舒服的话，那我还是丝毫不懂加略山的爱。

若 我怕把另外一个人置于最高的地位，因为避免这样作是远为容易的，那我还是丝毫不懂加略山的爱。

若 我作任何抉择，只因为它们是我所选定的；若我让个人的喜厌占任何地位，那我还是丝毫不懂加略山的爱。

若 我把个人的幸福置于所托付我的工作之前；若，虽然我已接受了这使命，也获得许多恩典，我仍然沮丧倒垮，那我还是丝毫不懂加略山的爱。

若 我纵容自己，让自己舒适的陶醉在自怜与自我同情中；若我不靠神的恩典学习坚忍不挠的精神，那我还是丝毫不懂加略山的爱。

若 我的“己”管辖了我；若我所有的思想环绕着“己”旋转；若我的“己”占去了我整个人，以致我的心灵难得有一刻脱离自己，那我还是丝毫不懂加略山的爱。

若 我不能诚实的甘心乐意接受次要的地位（或甚至最末后的地位）；若我不能大方的接受首要的地位而非要装模作样的“谦虚”一番，那我还是丝毫不懂加略山的爱。

若 ，当我发现了发现了一些曾使别人困惑的难题答案时，我忘记祂，那位显露所有深处隐秘事，又知道并向我们启示所有隐藏在黑暗中的；若我忘了是祂把亮光赐给祂最不配的仆人 ，那我还是丝毫不懂加略山的爱。

若 我不能平静地接受那些现在不能解释的事实，忘记了主说过的“那不因我跌倒的有福了。”；或若我能够允许有一点点误解的影子，那我还是丝毫不懂加略山的爱。

若 我不容许人家享有被“假定无过”的权利，而对人家所讲的或所做的不从好的一面着想，而想到最坏的一面，那我还是丝毫不懂加略山的爱。

若 我很容易生别人的气，若我满足于只维持一种冷淡、不友谊的关系，虽然明明有可能恢复真正的友谊，那我还是丝毫不懂加略山的爱。

若 一个突然而来的震荡会使我讲出一个不耐烦的、叫人难堪的字眼，那我还是丝毫不懂加略山的爱。（因为一个满客甜水的杯子绝不可能溅射出一滴苦水，不管是受到如何突然的震荡。）

若 我会感到深深的受伤，当别人把一些我毫不知情的罪过推在我身上，而忘记了我的完全无罪的救主走在这条路上一直走到底；那我还是丝毫不懂加略山的爱。

若 我对那些定我罪的人感到无比愤慨、不平，因为我觉得他们的定罪非常不公道，而忘记了假使他们真真知道我这人，如我自己知道自己一样清楚，他们会加倍的定我的罪，那我还是丝毫不懂加略山的爱。

若 我说：“我愿意饶恕，可我不能忘记。”似乎神，那位每日两次把全世界所有海滩上的所有的沙洗净的神不能把那些恨的回忆从我脑海洗去，那我还是丝毫不懂加略山的爱。

若 一个我非常需要他帮助的人似乎满足于以草、木、禾秸来建造，而非专心以金银宝石的建造为目标，而我仍踌躇着，不顺服里面的亮光，不愿失掉他的帮助，因为很少人会了解我为什么这样做，那我还是丝毫不懂加略山的爱。

若 一个灵魂（或一个团体）受托于我的保管，而我同意让它受到软弱的影响，因为世界的声音——即最接近我的基督徒世界——充塞了我的耳朵，那我还是丝毫不懂加略山的爱。

若 我最能帮助别人的工作是一些对那些没有分辨能力的人看来“不属灵的工作”，而我却暗里抗拒，还欺骗自己说我渴慕作的是属灵的工作，而其实我渴想的是那些有兴趣、兴奋的工作，那我还是丝毫不懂加略山的爱。

若 我受不了单调的生活，乏味的工作；若呆笨的人叫我厌烦，一丝生活上的涟漪便破坏了我心湖的平静，一点生活上的 琐事便叫我小题大做起来，那我还是丝毫不懂加略山的爱。

若 我对别人的需要不够体贴，或对他们的感受，或甚至他们的小弱点毫无感觉；若我不留心注意他们所受的小伤害而失掉机会去安慰、帮助他们；若因为我的缘故破坏了家庭生活的和谐，那我还是丝毫不懂加略山的爱。

若 别人的干扰叫我生气，别人的需要叫我不耐烦；若我把阴影笼罩周围的人，因我自己被阴影所笼罩，那我还是丝毫不懂加略山的爱。

若 我旁边的人在受苦，而我竟不觉察，因为敏感之灵不在我里面，那我还是丝毫不懂加略山的爱。

若 我对祂的奉献里面还有任何保留的余地，就是对那位如此爱我甚至把祂最爱的赐给我；若在我的祷告里面还有一个私下的“只是——”“主，什么都可以，只是不要那个，” 那我还是丝毫不懂加略山的爱。

若 我被任何“泛滥的感情”所缠绕；若任何的事物、地方或人拦阻我对我的主绝对的顺服，那我还是丝毫不懂加略山的爱。

若 我受托为他人做的一件事成为我的重担；若屈服于里面的不乐意，我逃避它，那我还是丝毫不懂加略山的爱。

若 人的称赞叫我得意，人的责备叫我颓丧；若我不能在被误解中安息而不为自己辩解；若我喜欢被爱多于付出爱，被服事多于服事，那我还是丝毫不懂加略山的爱。

若 我渴望能为主所用把释放的讯息传给一个在捆绑中的灵魂，而并非仅是关心它是否得到拯救；若我在失败的时候只是不断想到自己的失望，而不求主把释放的讯息赐给另一个人，那我还是丝毫不懂加略山的爱。

若 我要人家知道某一件被证实是对的事是我作的，或是我提议要作的那件事，那我还是丝毫不懂加略山的爱。

若 我不能忘记“个人的成功”这么一件琐屑的事，让它从来不出现在我的脑海，就是出现的话，我也不容许它多留一分钟；若那装满属灵谄媚的话的杯尝来甘甜，那我还是丝毫不懂加略山的爱。

若 我不能很自然，很诚恳的讲出这样的话：“你为我的缘故嫉妒人吗？惟愿耶和华的百姓都受感说话，愿耶和华把它的灵降在他们身上（典出 民：11：29）”，那我还是丝毫不懂加略山的爱。

若 我在服事主的团契中，我使某一个朋友与我特别亲密，以致其他的人有被遗弃的感觉；若我的友谊不会吸引人更深入进来，而是吝啬的（给我自己，为我自己），那我还是丝毫不懂加略山的爱。

若 我拒绝允许一个亲爱的人为基督的缘故受苦；若我不能体会这样的受苦是任何一个跟随“那被钉十架者”所能得到最高的荣誉，那我还是丝毫不懂加略山的爱。

若 我在一个灵魂心中占了那惟独是基督能占的地位，使自己成为他第一的需要，而非引领他牢牢的与祂连结，那我还是丝毫不懂加略山的爱。

若 我对别人的工作只有冷淡的兴趣；若我只想到自己特殊的任务；若别人的担子不也是我的担子，他们的喜乐不也是我的喜乐，那我还是丝毫不懂加略山的爱。

若 我以为很真诚地为某一件事祷告以后得到一个我没有预想到的答复，而我退缩着不愿接受；若我主要求我背负的担子不也是我心中的选择，而我在里面烦焦，不欢迎祂的旨意，那我还是丝毫不懂加略山的爱。

若 我逃避“被犁”，以及这种被犁过程中所包括的一切艰苦、隔离、不和谐的情况、奇怪的考验，那我还是丝毫不懂加略山的爱。

若 我希奇为何有试炼临到，而迫切的祈求神把它挪开，若我不能以信心接受任何的失望，也不能在遭遇困惑的时候心中仍然有平安，那我还是丝毫不懂加略山的爱。

若 我特别强调、夸张我被安排的处境或被委托的工作，把它暗地里向自己或在暗示中向别人放大；若我让人家觉得是“很难”的；若我留恋地回顾过去，在回忆的小径上徘徊，以致我帮助人的能力大大削减，那我还是丝毫不懂加略山的爱。

若 我心中所最热切想得到的不是“那唯一能使所有重担变轻，使所有不均匀之处变得和谐”的爱，那我还是丝毫不懂加略山的爱。

若 我不愿意做一粒麦子落在地里死去（即与它以前所活在其中的一切隔绝），那我还是丝毫不懂加略山的爱。

若 我求神叫我不遭遇试炼，而非求祂使我在试炼中得蒙拯救，叫祂的荣耀得着颂赞；若我忘却十字架得道路引到十字架，而非引到布满花朵得岸边，若这样得观念左右了我的生活，活甚至不自觉的左右了我的思想，以致当道路坎坷崎岖的时候我会觉得很惊讶，觉得奇怪，虽然经上的话所说的是：“不要以为奇怪（似乎是遭遇非常的事），倒要欢喜快乐”，那我还是丝毫不懂加略山的爱。

若 我的同伴不能向我要求那最终、最难的；若他们会踌躇不前而最后转求别人，那我还是丝毫不懂加略山的爱。

若 我会贪求世上任何一个地方，除了十字架底下的一片尘土，那我还是丝毫不懂加略山的爱。

我 所 不 知 道 的，

哦 主 ， 我 的 神，

恳 请 教 导 我

marylu

一

写着这些辛辣的话，我有被灼伤的感觉，然而心中有强烈的感受，觉得虽然在我们一切祷告与赞美诗当中（其中不少是为着爱而发的），我们仍然可能满足于肤浅的爱，假如那样肤浅的境界也能被称为爱的话。

也许在我们的祷告当中，我们应该常常停顿一下，让我们有时间可以为所祷告过的打开我们的心灵。往往我们仓促地从一个祷告接连到另一个祷告，而没有等候聆听里面的声音，说：“我的孩子，我已经听到了。”

我们越多默想主所讲有关爱的话语，以及圣灵感动门徒所写出来烈火般的话语，我们就越锐利地感到自己深切地缺欠。在圣灵探射灯的照明下我们发现了自己，而这种发现使我们惊骇。祂虽然使全然忍耐的神，也怎能受得了我们？于是像约伯一样，我们厌恶自己，在尘土与炉灰中悔改。

可是这个光照在我们身上，并非要剥夺我们的希望。光的临到带着提升作用。只要我们真的渴望我们的“己”——包括与它纠缠在一起的网，它的诡谲性、它的矫装（实在就是虚假），它的表面以一层铜当作金——得以炼净；只要我们从心底恨恶缺乏爱的光景，向神呼喊，求祂拯救我们脱离这种光景，我们的神会真的成为拯救的神。

二

没有任何夜间的异像能显明，也没有任何言语能宣示“神圣的爱”以怎样期待的心情等待我们的心灵，对自己感到厌倦之后，转向它的主，说：“占有我。”我们不需要求神的爱充满我们的心灵，似乎祂很不愿意充满我们的：其实祂是那样愿意，犹如光愿意充溢一间向它而开的房间，犹如水愿意灌入一条空的管子。爱如空气一般四面压着我们，只要我们停止抗拒，立刻爱便占有我们。正如十五世纪一首诗所写的：

不论你的恋慕与爱何等深切，

我的爱情仍然远超你的

还不止，不止此，因为正如祂赦罪之恩的丰富是超过我们能力所能表达的，祂爱的丰富也是如此：它的广犹如东离西之广，它的高犹如天离地之上的高，然而语言是柔弱无力的，爱翱翔于一切语言之上。

看我们自己会引致绝望，感谢神，祂的血有洁净的功效

若你有污点，我会使你洁净，

若你有疾病，我会使你痊愈，

你有否遇到如此忠实的爱？

从来没有，主，从来没有！

三

有时候，当过去的失败叫我们难过，或当我们被未来失败的恐惧折磨，假如我们再次脸朝向耶路撒冷而行，最好使让一些熟悉的经句慢慢沁入我们里面，成为我们生命的一部分。“恩上加恩”（Grace for grace）这几个字给我很多激励，自从我从一本毛里会督的小书里面更深了解它们的意义（知道我看那本书，我没有真正明了这几个字）。

他说“for”字就是“代替”的意思。所给我们的意象就是“不断的，接续的供应；一种不停的替代；不止息的需与求的 交换”。

“在我们眼前是一幅河流的图画，让我们立在河岸上，静观水流的形态。一分钟又一分钟的过去了。是否同一条河？是的。然而是否同样的河水？不。前一分钟在你面前流过的大量液体现在流过河床的另一部分；新的液体替代了它，或说注满了它留下的空档；水代替水，就是这样，一小时又一小时，一年又一年，一世纪又一世纪，这个过程连续下去；一条河，其他的流水，活水不是死水，因为永远在那同化的过程中是不断的交换。恩典代替了恩典”（爱代替了爱，永远是新的，永远是旧的，永远是一样的，永远是新鲜而年青的，藉着基督，一小时又一小时，一年又一年）。

四

除了“爱”唯一的力量，再没有更强的力量足以把我们连系在一起成为一群，同时使我们所做的一切有生气、有活力；因此也就常常有攻击临到这爱，而缺乏了它我们只是鸣的锣，响的钹。

这就说明了为什么那些真正有心活在这种爱的生活之人往往在隔一段时间之后就迫切感到需要圣灵的光照与炼净。（这种情况的发生已屡见不鲜），首先在个别心灵的隐秘处，然后则是全体一起；而我们深深知道神曾经如何施恩与我们，所以，虽然我们必须一面说“并不是以为我已经得着了”，我们却仍然靠着祂的力量，努力面前。

还有另外一个原因为什么仇敌攻击爱，这就是：

也许在我们全体最外围的边缘一件事发生了，然而这件事所反映的事一些孕育在我们最中心的一个人心中的事情，在我的经验里我已经多次体会这种情形。也许这件事情从来没有在行动或话语上表现出来，眼睛看不见，耳朵听不到。然而属灵的影响在视觉听觉都不到之处仍然有其活动，甚至仅是缺少了我们在这里想到的那种爱的质素足使一点污点慢慢染开，以致它在某一个灵魂软弱的时刻临到他，而结果可能是一些不可修补的破坏。

哦，主，饶恕我；袮的本性是长久的怜悯，再以袮的帮助来安慰我，求袮乐意来拯救我。哦主，我的神。

五

爱之途径永不会是平坦的途径。我们若下决心走上这条路，我们必须准备受苦。“这是一条我们的主人走过的途径，难道作仆人的还有他途可走吗？”很可能我们落在一种环境里逐渐耗干我们天然的爱，直到我们枯干得如同烈日下印度山麓上的草。

我们曾为一个所爱的人日夜劳苦，而没有感到辛劳。我们倾尽永不可能恢复的健康与精力，却不感到所付出的代价，就是感到也不会计较，因为我们爱得那么深。我们全部的盼望只是愿意那个被爱的人能成为一个服事他人的人，结果却不是这样。

而接着我们痛心地觉察到爱地对象表露出一种奇怪的冷漠——为着这个所爱的人不曾有任何事情是我们觉得太麻烦的——我们觉察到一种拒人千里的冷峻，一种硬心似乎用硬冰冰的手推开一颗曾为着拯救那生命而几乎破碎的心。

于是，（只有那些曾失丧过爱的人才会了解）一种比任何痛苦更可怕的恐惧攫住我们：是否多年来的爱渐渐从我们身上失落了？“父啊，赦免他们，因为他们所作的他们不晓得。”——这句话是否渐渐从我们记忆中褪色？爱是永不止息，现在是否爱渐渐停止了？我们是否发现自己以“不爱”来对付“不爱”？

在这样的时光，一个多年前在绝望中发出的祷告，一字一句的在心中铸刻出来：

深而又深，哦主，

我里头呼喊，

集中全身力量我匍匐，

主，到袮跟前，

加略山的耶稣，

为我受伤者，

随袮意要求，只要

把爱赐给我。

是的，随袮意要求，任是、一切的盼望，一切人间恩情的欢愉，一切爱的报偿，只要不让爱离开我。没有任何平常的事物能抵上这新的呼召，没有任何在我里面的力量够得上的。哦，爱的主，痛苦的主，以爱充充满满的充满我：神的爱，藉我去爱。

六

我们亲爱的主聆听那没有虚假的嘴唇所发出的祷告，而为着鼓励我们，经上清楚地写道：祂使那些爱祂的人承受产业，这奇妙的“产业”就是那“恩上加恩”，祂自己永久的丰富。这个恩典并非一种没有位格的实质，而是神自己在我们里面工作，主自己在我们的思想与意志的源头行动。神是爱，因此，“爱”就是做天父儿女有福气承受的“产业”。

我们又想到河流的意象，空的河床“承受”从高峰流下来的水，它并没有创造这水，它仅是接受它，于是它的仓库就灌满了，它的潭渊都满溢而涌流，使周围的地土得以滋润。我们也是一样；我们时间的仓库，我们的年岁、每月、每周、每日、每时、每分都满溢了爱的宝藏，以致我们能帮助他人。谁能为我们想到这样的喜乐，除了那位名字就是“爱”的；愿荣耀归于祂，就是这位能照着运行在我们心里的大力，充充足足的成就一切超过我们所求所想的。

七

让我们以一个简单的音调结束：让我们聆听简单的话；我们的主讲话都是很简单的：“相信我，我的孩子。”祂说：“相信我，以前所未有的更谦卑的心及对我旨意更完全的顺服。相信我会以爱倾注到你里面，在时间的流转当中。若你觉察到任何阻塞这种流注的事物，千万别在失望中离我而去，因为再没有比这样更伤害我的爱。更加靠近我吧，来，往我里面躲藏，甚至避开你自己。把你的烦恼告诉我，相信我会以我的大力的手挪开那哽咽河水的大石块，扫除所有塞住河床的淤泥、砂土。我不会离开你，直到我完成了我跟你说过的，我要再你身上成就有关你的一切。不要怕，我爱的孩子，不要怕。”

现在把所有的用一页写出来：——

亲爱的，让我们爱。

主，什么是爱？

爱就是那曾燃亮我的生命，引我到十字架，又当我在十架上时支持了我的。爱是那会使你愿意为你的弟兄舍命，并且以此为你的喜乐的。

主赐给我，一再赐给我这爱

饥渴慕爱的人有福了，因为他们必得饱足。