Easter的奇迹

Claire

我从高中开始去教堂. 那时候, 黑压压一片老者, 好象只有我一个学生模样. 匆匆过了将近十年, 教堂里年青人越来越多. 可坐在下面的我却掩饰不住内心的空虚: 和高中时候的我相比, 我离神的距离更远了. 基督教我了解的东西, 依旧和高中时一样多. 现在想来, 从高中起, 我只有期中期末考试前后才去做礼拜, 上了大学, 依旧是这个样子. 我这么多年是真的相信主么? 不. 我那时无非是寻找一种内心的依靠. 也就是这种态度, 让我的人生路上不断有磕磕碰碰, 一旦出现困难, 我对主的怀疑便增加一分. 祷告? 偶尔良心受谴责, 象征做下罢了. 现在想来, 我是一个罪大恶极的人. 大学毕业时做了一个当时对我非常重要的决定: 出国读研. 很不幸, 第一次被拒签了. 痛哭一场的同时, 虽然心里埋怨主, 还抱有一丝希望. 直到第二次被拒签, 我彻底绝望了, 摘下一直戴的十字架, 扔到了窗台上. 这个时候, 是我离主最最远的时刻. 在那一个月里, 亲眼望着好朋友一个个顺利去了美国, 看看自己, 感觉这一生做了多少蠢事? 还在出国申请的时候, 我很偶然地认识了个很虔诚信主的男生, 和我一样在申请. 他虽然才信不过一两年, 但足以让我汗颜. 他看出来我内心的摇动, 总想帮助我走上正路. 他鼓励我去他们的教堂, 带我去找外国朋友讨论一些疑难问题. 可我,始终象一个外表披着信仰主外衣的无神论者, 一点也不上心. 再后来, 过了几个月, 他也出国了. 出国前他好好找我谈了次, 那时我知道自己错了, 觉得还是该信仰主. 但是无非是回到原来的状态而已. 复活节的前两个星期, 我的一个加拿大网络朋友说她母亲心脏病突发进了医院, 似乎很危险, 儿女都已经从各个地方回来了. 我听后很难过, 生平第一次为个不认识的人代祷. 过了几天, 她告诉我, 她母亲已经出院了. 虽然我不能说是自己祷告起的作用, 但是也是第一次, 我尝到了这种代祷的欣喜. Easter那天, 我去教堂. 听到了让我震撼的话: "不是让我们去改正自己, 而是要把过去的自我埋葬, 成为一个新人. " 那时那刻, 我的神经好象被敲动了, 回家疯狂地把荒漠甘泉读完了, 边读边做笔记. 有时候不知不觉眼泪流了下来. 我终于体会到了耶稣对我们的爱, 终于发现自己以前犯了多少的错, 就如果彼得三次不认主一样, 我一次又一次地辜负了他. 然而他却从未放弃过我, 一直保护这我和我爱的人的平安, 一次又一次给我希望. 我为什么到现在才意识到呢? 第二天, 我马上给那个男生写了封长信, 迫不及待地把我的感受告诉他. 他回信上说, 看着我写的话, 他忍不住哭了. 他很高兴我终于认识到了, 这对他在信主的道路上,是一个极大的鼓舞.... 这些天, 好象是我人生中最快乐的日子. 我按时祷告, 读圣经. 也常来这里看些对我有帮助的东西. 我开始不断用神的话语来帮助朋友, 开始和家人讲述我的转变....这一切的一切, 不是主的恩典又是什么呢? 我把我给那个朋友的信贴在下面, 如果能给那些象我以前一样动摇的弟兄姊妹一点帮助, 我想, 没有比这再幸福了. I've spent Easter yesterday. I'm telling you, it was beyond my words. I just found what I knew about our Father is way way not enough. Remember I told you once I was confused why you guys cry everytime you pray. Yesterday, I understood it finally and cried for the very first time in my life while I was praying. Last night I spent a couple of hours reading "Stream in the desert", I began to think about things I never think about before. I began to be impressed by every sentence I read in Bible: "We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed;always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies." "Therefore, if any one is in Christ, he is a new creation; the old has passed away, behold, the new has come." > >All of a sudden, I revealed a new self. As if the old me died, everything in my past has been buried. I love the brand-new person in my body. Thank God for his unselfish love, for him never giving me up, even though when I was lost, even though when I didn't recognize him for countless times as Peter did. I feel so happy right now, and you are the first person I wanna share this feeling with. Not only happy, but relaxed, for the yoke I carried for a long time, I finally can take it off. God will definitely take care of everything for the person who trust him. Everything's in his hand, hence everything we prayed for is possible. > > >Now I look back on the moment how we knew each other and how you preached at me again and again, I know it must've been God who sent you to help me out to be on the right way. I am grateful, indeed, to our Father, and to you. > >Long e-mail it is. Hope it won't disturb you while you're studying. >I'll keep on praying and prasing every morning and night. No matter what happens, I'll look it as the test God give me, and my trust in God will never ever fade away. You must give me some credit. > >May God be with you.

灵

哈利路亚！